Do you ever have weeks that are just so much more difficult that others, the weeks that you don't think you are going to ever get through? This week has been like that for me. It has come from a variety of sources. Emotional challenges, differences at work, feeling lonely and friends hurting.
I was facebook stalking earlier this week and typed in a good friend from college's name. Come to find out, her last name had changed since the last time I talked with her. I looked through her wedding pictures and immediately got tears in my eyes remembering our good times. Life has changed so much for both of us, and we have fallen away from one another. Throughout my sophomore year of college this friend and I would take time every single night to go sit in the back of a dark chapel to pray. This year was a year of many challenges and changes for the both of us and I am sure that neither of us would have gotten through it without this time. It didn't matter how much homework we had or what else we had going on, we would make sure we went to the chapel every night.
After reminiscing about this time we shared, I realized that this may be where a lot of my unhappiness is coming from. Scott and I have started going to a church here in Des Moines, but we still don't feel "at home." I e-mailed the pastor a couple weeks ago about getting into a small group in hopes of making friends our own age with our same interests, but I have gotten no response. I am lonely and longing for friends who share the same beliefs that I do, the kind of relationships that I formed at my small college.
Another friend of mine in struggling with the sickness of her grandfather. The road ahead seems very long and it makes me remember my grandfather and how much it hurt to lose him. He was one of the most influential people I have known and I miss him terribly. Not only do I miss him, but my heart is breaking for my very dear friend because I know exactly what she is going through.
Basically, I am just in a period of searching and trying to find the new place. Luckily, I have the most loving husband and supportive family I could ask for to go on this journey with me. I promise the next blog post will be more upbeat and happy, but I just needed to bear my soul on this one.
